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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in amber jaime's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 28th, 2012
11:07 am
accountability.
something i have recently begun to accept...

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, June 25th, 2011
6:32 pm
June 2011

Improvements. Kinda scary. Take it as it comes. Thankful to feel again.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011
11:32 pm
Thursday, March 5th, 2009
1:51 am
las vegas
Is a lonely place.

I'd rather be walking in memphis!

Current Mood: thoughtful
Thursday, February 19th, 2009
10:24 am
well...
I just moved to philly.

I'm going to atlantic city tonight for fun and games.

I'm flying to las vegas next week..

And then I'm going to miami for an electronic music fest a few weeks later.

Talk about a wild life...

Current Mood: crazy
Monday, February 16th, 2009
3:33 am
so, moving along...
I perpetually continue to fuck myself. I guess its some psychological thing where I can't allow myself to be happy...either way, its getting really old...

On another note, life is about to make a turn for the better I think. I'm moving to philly rather than back to chattanooga...haven't told anyone yet, I'm sure there will be a lot of very unthrilled people.

I have to do what's best for me though...I can't keep living for everyone else and that's what I've been doing since I can remember. If they don't understand that, there isn't much else to hang on to anyway.

I do not have a way with words tonight. I know what I'm trying to say but the words aren't coming out properly. I just want to live normally. I can't remember if I ever have.

Current Mood: apathetic
Thursday, January 29th, 2009
8:38 pm
homeword bound.
Going back to chattanooga in the next week and a half. Can't wait.

This hell will soon be over, and ill be able to get back to normal life.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
6:43 pm
No one cares. I know. I'm sure the only thing people do on here anymore is bitch and complain. Sometimes lifes just shitty though...

I miss him so much. I shouldn't. We're the biggest trainwreck of a combination....but I am just struggling not being in contact, not by choice, but because he is in a place with no contact with the world. I write letters, no word back, I'm wondering if my letters are not addressed properly...his mother read me a letter he sent her for me...long and apologizing for all the lies and for all the trouble, begging me to still have him...fucked up...but I lie too. And do/have done all sorts of fucked up shit too...

We grew up together, from childbirth, mothers were friends before we were born, we were inseparable for years...then hated eachother for a while, then out of the blue he showed up and took me from all the bullshit I've been dealing with and made me feel happy for the first time in a long time...and helped me get home to my family who needed me(a whole different very depressing, shitty story)...blah blah blah bullshit childhood lovestory type thing...

Anyway. I'm pretty much a wreck...and I don't know when he'll be out...nothing makes me happy, and he shouldn't either, but its an inevitable fact that I can't change and I don't know when ill be happy again. It had been so long...and here I go again...

Fuck.

Current Mood: depressed
Sunday, December 7th, 2008
9:23 pm
october 27 through december 7 and counting.
Life continues to get stranger and stranger every day.

nyc to chattanooga
Chattanooga to nyc
Nyc to richmond
Richmond to nyc
Nyc to richmond
Richmond to charlotte
Charlotte to chattanooga

And eventually chattanooga to nyc, not anticipating any stops from there...

New screen name for those of you who still use this...well...relatively new...
Kiwimaddog2O2O

If anyone ever wants to catch up...

Current Mood: weird
Monday, July 21st, 2008
11:47 pm
Sunday, June 8th, 2008
2:23 am
parachutes.
Twenty-five seconds to live and I'm falling down
There the darling goes, magnetics that are pulling her down
Twenty-five seconds to live and I'm waving high
All this white's a thrill
Turning just to give us the sign

And what I never had were pictures passing by
Forces that make your way down
And what I had between the things I never tried
Was you reaching out in hopes that you could grab
Forces that make your way down
I'd say that's better 'cause at least I know you tried

At least I know you tried

Twenty-five seconds to live and I'm falling down
There the darling goes, whipping out her funeral song
Twenty-five seconds to live and I'm waving high
Now he cuts to go, deciding just to trade it all in

And what I never had were pictures flashing by
Forces that make your way down
But what I had between the things I never tried
Was you reaching out in hopes to hold your hand
Forces that make your way down
I'd say I'm better 'cause I lived before I died

At least I know you tried

Current Mood: weird
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
5:52 pm
I hate my life.
I just fucked myself so hard in the ass.

Fuck. Me.

Current Mood: gloomy
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
6:52 pm
so many things..
that i have questions about, so much to know, absorb, so much on the line, i guess thats part of life.

taking risks at your most vulnerable point...

you could never know. and i could never either.

Current Mood: scared
Monday, March 31st, 2008
7:50 pm
this day
im at the most confusing, beautiful, amazing point of my life right now. everything is pretty awesome.

yesterday i went to staten island on the ferry with marc, we rode the train from the top to the bottom, got off at the bottom, having no idea what was there, and everything was quiet. it was at the bottom of the island. there was water, dock remains, rocks, and silence. it was sort of industrial across the water but it was oddly beautiful at that place. we walked around the neighborhood a bit, and didnt find anything but large houses, and quiet suburbia. went back to the train, rode back to the top, and took the ferry back to town.

anyway, it was a nice day. day 1 of exploring new york.

Current Mood: amused
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
6:18 pm
i have a new blog.
not that i update this much, but my new blog is kinda cooler.

so if anyone is interested feel free to check it out.

<3

http://xamberjaimex.blogspot.com/

Current Mood: bored
Monday, March 3rd, 2008
9:21 pm
nyc
im here, in my apartment, right smack in union square next to virgin records. had orientation tonight. it was boring.

i miss my life, i miss my family, i miss taylor and leila, my friends, my house, my job even.

this is a good thing, but its the hardest thing ive ever done in my life, and it was handed right to me.

ugh. day 2.




Current Mood: sad
Thursday, January 31st, 2008
3:41 am
in a month
ill be in nyc. thats a pertty scary thought.

im going to be so freaked out. everything ive come to love over the past 2 years will be hundreds of miles away.

whats going on!!

Current Mood: crazy
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
6:15 pm
so far...
This looks like its going to be a good year.

Current Mood: content
Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
8:12 pm
reflections on this year...and earlier.
This past year has been nothing but insanity for me. Every time I'd thought I had gotten things situated and stable, myself or something else totally fucked it all up in one way or another.

I'm not going to do a complete overview because there are things I don't feel like bringing back up, or are boring... or something else. But I will go ahead and type a few random thoughts. This goes back a bit further than a year so bear with me, the very few individuals that actually read this stuff occassionally.

First off, I want to go ahead and thank the people that have seen me through all this shit, overlooked my shittyness, and stuck it out either with me or being supportive of me. I've fucked up a lot over the past year and a half, 2 years, and for that I'm sorry, and thank you for forgiving me...I really hope I have/am becoming a better person learning from my mistakes. I'm honestly trying.

Also, thank you for being my friend to whoever of you on here actually are still my friends...I know its hard to keep in touch but to those who have, or haven't, but still consider us friends, thanks. I take people for granted sometimes and with the death of a close friend this year I've been trying to keep myself in check not taking advantage of the time i have with people.

And taylor, if you ever do read this thank you so much for being such an amazing person, putting up with my crazy bullspit, and taking care of me. You are one of the best people I know. I'd be so lost without you. Thank you for everything you do/have done for me.

Michele of course, you are my sister and closest friend and I love you with all my heart, and I'd be lost without you as well. Thank you for not giving up on me. I really don't believe anyone could have a better best friend than you.

Also thank you family for being my refuge, and light of my life.

Damnit this is starting to sound like some sort of weird speech where I'm thanking everyone, but shit man this has been a bad 2 years and I'm alive because of these people.

I better end this here. Haha. Thanks everyone. Life wouldn't be life without you.

Here's to 2008 motherfuckers!

Current Mood: busy
Monday, November 5th, 2007
3:59 pm
well...
Haven't updated in a while...

I'm sitting on the bus so why the hell not. Late to work of course.

Been broke, have 2 new jobs in kitchens downtown chattanooga...zeke is well. He's probably shit on my floor by now...

I'm moving to new york city in march to go to aveda. I'm pretty excited about that in most ways. 9 months is a long time to be away from many of the people I care about though. Faminly, and one particular someone.

That's life though. Ill be alright.

Current Mood: anxious
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